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I have a fine sense of the ridiculous, but no sense of humour.

The gods too are fond of a joke.

Unconscious humor.

Humor has justly been regarded as the finest perfection of poetic genius.

In the end, everything is a gag.

Sometimes when reading Goethe I have the paralyzing suspicion that he is trying to be funny.

I never dare to write As funny as I can.

Humor distorts nothing, and only false gods are laughed off their earthly pedestals.

Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else.

Now I perceive the devil understands Welsh. And 'tis no marvel he is so humorous. By'r Lady, he is a good musician.

There's the humour of it.

Life does not cease to be funny when people die any more than it ceases to be serious when people laugh.

My way of joking is to tell the truth. It is the funniest joke in the world.

Anytime I see something screech across a room and latch onto someone's neck, and the guy screams and tries to get it off, I have to laugh, because what is that thing.

I think someone should have had the decency to tell me the luncheon was free. To make someone run out with potato salad in his hand, pretending he's throwing up, is not what I call hospitality.

To me, clowns aren't funny. In fact, they're kind of scary. I've wondered where this started and I think it goes back to the time I went to the circus, and a clown killed my dad.

Most people don't realize that large pieces of coral, which have been painted brown and attached to the skull by common wood screws, can make a child look like a deer.

Sometimes when I feel like killing someone, I do a little trick to calm myself down. I'll go over to the person's house and ring the doorbell. When the person comes to the door, I'm gone, but you know what I've left on the porch? A jack-o-lantern with a knife stuck in the side of its head with a note that says 'You.' After that I usually feel a lot better, and no harm done.

If you ever fall off the Sears Tower, just go real limp, because maybe you'll look like a dummy and people will try to catch you because, hey, free dummy.

If a kid asks where rain comes from, I think a cute thing to tell him is 'God is crying.' And if he asks why God is crying, another cute thing to tell him is 'Probably because of something you did.'